parenting children

My Kids Don’t Clean Up!

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Are You Raising Slobs?

I love when my house is clean and tidy.  It keeps me from feeling stressed and allows me to sit down without thinking about what I should be doing instead.

But, my family is not so concerned about how the house looks.  

It’s a constant warfare trying to get my kids to clean up their messes or pick up trash instead of step over it.  

So, for 2019, I’ve made it their personal goals to learn not to be a slob.  

Yep, this year will be the year they will learn to be more responsible and helpful.  

But guess what, they will not learn it overnight.  And, it’s going to take a lot of effort on my part.  Gasp…

However, it’s very important to me that when they are adults, their spouses do not question their slobbish tendencies.  Because guess what? That directly reflects on their parents. Yep! Guess whose responsibility it is to teach your kids how to keep things tidy and clean?  Yours!

The earlier you start the better!

But you also have to stay on top of it.  You cannot be lazy about this or they will be lazy.  Most kids are not naturally organized and tidy, unless you’ve  been working with them since they were able to clean up their first mess.  

So in the art of training, I have some tips for you.  

There is no right way to do this.  Pick what works for you and your family.  

There is a wrong way...not doing anything and just doing it all yourself.  

Here are a few things I’m going to start doing right now:

#1 They are responsible for clearing the table after supper.

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#2 The kids will alternate  washing dishes after supper while I supervise (for a little while) to ensure they are learning the correct way to do dishes.  

#3 I’m putting up signs throughout the house to remind them to :

  1. Empty the trash before it’s overflowing!

  2. Wash their dishes when they bring them to the sink!

  3. Wipe the toilet seat if they sprinkle it!

#4 I used to do this one and somehow stopped: instill a 10 minute tidy up daily before bedtime.  

#5 I also used to do this and quit (insert eyeroll): what gets left out, goes in a trash bag.  They can a) earn it back in 24 hours or b) it gets donated.

Here are some other tips from Focus on the Family.  I especially liked #1 and #6. I may import those into my plan too!  

And here are some ideas for keeping up with chores that I’ve pinned over the years!

Happy Training!!!

Dayna

P.S.

Do you also struggle with a family of slobs?  Let me know in the comments the 1 thing you want to teach your kids about tidyness.    


What If You Are The One Name Calling?

Hey friends! I haven't dropped in for a while!  Please forgive me.  I've been working on too many things.  Today I was reflecting on a theme that came up last week in my practice and had some inspiration to hop on here and share with you.

Sometimes I get questioned about what a particular word means...

A lot of time it has a negative meaning...

Children and teens often know it's negative because of the tone of voice or because of the owner of those words that are spewed.  But it's not until they ask what it means that they truly feel the effects of that nastiness.

This happened recently in my practice.

We teach our children not to name call.  "Don't be a bully!"  "Don't call people names because it's not nice."  "Try to be the bigger person", we tell them.

...........BUT WHAT IF YOU ARE THE ONE DOING THE NAME-CALLING...............

Let that sink in a second..........................

What if YOU (the one telling your child not to name call) are the one name calling?

And I'm not even talking about calling people names when you don't like that person.

Nope!  I'm talking about calling your child a negative name.

"You are lazy!"

"You are so dumb!"

"You are hateful and mean!"

"You are vindictive and spiteful!"

"You are such a loser!"

"You are annoying!"

"You are so ugly!"

Need I go on???

Friends, we cannot fill our children with these negative labels!!!  Yes your child may act lazy some days, but don't we all feel lazy sometimes?  If I was labeled as Lazy because some days I don't feel like or want to do things, I would never do anything because well "I'm Lazy, so who cares anyway?".   Self-fulfilled prophecy guys!  If you don't know what that means, google it!

Our children and teens already carry so much weight on their little shoulders and hear so many negative things at school, on the playground, on Netflix, Youtube..... Let us not fill their minds with negativity that comes from our mouths!  We are supposed to build our babies up, not tear them down!

So what if this touches your heart, but you've already done some damage by name-calling?

Put on your big girl/boy panties and apologize to that child!

Tell them mommy/daddy is sorry for saying those things and ask them to forgive you.  Tell them that some days you feel frustrated, but it's not their fault.  Let them know you love them and you are going to work on how you talk to them when you feel a certain _______ (angry, frustrated, irritable).

Build that child up!  Fill them with positive labels and help them overcome those times when you want to throw out a negative name for them.  Take responsibility as their parent to build up their character flaws (just like you do for your own flaws) and stop name-calling and putting them down.

Name calling is bad parenting.  But it's not the end all for you or your child.  Just regroup and fix it.  We all make mistakes in our parenting.  What we do with that mistake to grow as a parent is what is important.

If you feel you have really messed up, reach out.  I can give you some tips on what to say.

Leave a comment below or email me if you are too embarrassed to say it here.

Use this information to make your week great!

Talk to you soon!

Dayna